Thursday, December 12, 2013

Back For Good?

Posted by cleste at 4:21 PM 1 comments
How long has it been since I've last posted here? More than 3/4 of a year? Once upon a time I used to blog everyday. It sometimes makes me wonder why did I have so much to blog about then. Maybe with the lack of social media, or rather, my lack of participation in social media, was the reason for it. I chose to blog about my daily conundrums instead of sharing on the then Friendster and the now Facebook.

Is it better to blog? I have no idea. Sometimes I appreciate the function of a blog to provide a platform for me to blab about something in a super long post. You also have the luxury (or fear...?) of not really knowing who visits your blog and read them. It's the same with Facebook and Twitter but with the culture nowadays, people tend to like or favourite your posts so you would know who were the ones who actually read your statuses/tweets.

With the luxury of being able to write a long post, it tends to bring another thing. What do I blog about? The lack of thoughts and motivation to actually sit down (or lie down) to type out everything you have in mind and make it sound logical is definitely hindering me from actually blogging. My long absence on this blog explains a lot too. Every time I want to blog about something, I'll just have second thoughts about it. I'll just push it aside and keep it to myself. Or try to summarise everything into a few sentences to post it on Facebook/Google Plus/Twitter (140 characters! D=). I often do the former unless I really need to vent it out.

Then there's the forever addictive website with the name Tumblr. Yeap. I'm addicted to it. Not for all the cheesy stuff and all the huge fandoms over there. I use it for F1-related stuff. Nice photos to look at and stuff. Hence, I got to know some people there. I got my heart broken there a few times. I got hurt emotionally because of internet bullying (yeah, people like me also gets bullied). It's the side effects of sharing too much over there. People tend to judge. You're throwing everything in the open and letting people whom you don't even know personally to judge you, to leave snark replies or even leave hurtful messages in your inbox. That's the downside of it. You never know what will be thrown at you. In the end, I realised something about myself too. I tend to give in. Give in to some of the actions being thrown at me. Giving in until I can't take it anymore. I was so emotionally hurt (and not to mention I was under a lot of stress for my studies) that I was a wreck. It was painful. But after recovering from it, I was stronger. I told myself to never share any personal stuff on there anymore. I mostly adhered to it. I've only posted F1-related stuff other than the few random posts.

This means there's another problem. I don't have another outlet to vent my feelings. I've never had the urge to do it so far but now... Maybe it's time to come back here. Maybe it's time to revive this blog properly and blog more often. Work is imminent for me and soon I will have a hectic life that even Facebook and Twitter would be a luxury for me. But then again, I would need to rant about my work life too, right?

Maybe, one day, when I look back, I would be glad I made this decision.

PS: I was being nostalgic, thinking about the past. My old blog (which I had hid it from public view), things that happened on MSN messenger (involving me foolishly waiting for someone to come online, enjoyed looking at how long he would be online and always rejoiced whenever he started a convo with me. Of course some of the awkward moments, sweet stuff, etc), ICQ (is it still there?), Friendster, etc. Yeah. I was nostalgic. Then I remembered here. So, yeah.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Peer Support

Posted by cleste at 7:38 PM 0 comments
My Cardiff family

The one thing that I learned a lot after coming to Cardiff is peer support. I used to think that being alone is great. The fact that you could just do anything on your own, without the need to compromise for other people's needs, it's a very relaxing and enjoyable thing.

Too bad that's not the case when I'm here. Why? Let's see. The immense pressure on you while you get through every knowledge-based and skill-based small group sessions; the endless sleepless nights thinking about the next day's class; the huge stack of books that you need to skim through in order to get the answer that you need; the amount of criticism you get when you did badly in an advocacy class because you're just not good enough. The list doesn't end there.

With all these being thrown at you on a day-to-day basis, you are bound to break down and cry if you don't have anywhere to vent. Twitter is one place but it can't do much to help you. With the help of friends around you, especially those who are going through the same old thing as you, you'll eventually feel better. They can relate to you. They know how you're feeling. They know how to comfort you during the down times.

I do admit I do not have much time to keep in touch with friends back in Malaysia. The endless pile of work, the amount of assessments coming at me, the endless pile of books to go through... Not to mention the time difference. It's tough to just talk to my family. I admit I have not talked on the phone with anyone back in Malaysia bar my family and 1 friend. It's THAT bad.

I'm blessed that I have these friends here with me. The impromptu dinners/lunches, the paths we walked together, the coffee sessions, the afternoon tea sessions, the days we just laze around, etc.

Without them, I would not have survived Bar School. 

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Something New?

Posted by cleste at 8:00 PM 0 comments

I guess you may have realised that I made some... changes to my blog. I have to admit, I have totally forgotten about the existence of this blog until today. I guess studies had really swept me off my feet and I don't have as much free time as before to think of something to write.

But then again, that may be an excuse because I am (actively!) on Tumblr and Twitter. Not so much on Facebook, although I do still update statuses to keep certain people happy and to let people know that I'm still alive (although not really kicking).

Life's been rather hectic lately. The usual running to classes and the not-so-usual 4 to 5 hours of sitting at the table to prepare for next day's work. I do miss undergraduate studies. The joy of having abundant time to yourself and thinking of what to bake because you just have so much time to spare. As for now, thinking of lazing around on the bed for an extra hour is a luxury.

It's more or less like working 9 to 5 for me right now. It's a pity that I'm not getting paid to work but I have to pay to work. The amount of information that I have to absorb, understand and store in my brain is just crazy. Not to mention the need to polish my ever-so-undeveloped skill of public speaking.

Yes, I need to speak. A hell lot. Those who know me well will know that I suck at that. I hate speaking in front of people and I avoid doing all of this nonsense in front of people. So when people found out that I took LLB for undergraduate, people were skeptical. At least, I showed them who's boss. Now, moving on the postgraduate, doing this vocational course, people were shocked. But then again, they do realise that I speak with more confidence now, which is a good thing.

Anyway, I welcome you guys to a newly revamped blog because I can.

I'll try to post as often as I could but looking at my schedule... heh.



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